The No Good Very Bad Day

[leonard_horatio_mccoy]

Leonard considered himself a very thoughtful individual, but right now he'd give an arm to just forget everything.
The death certificate had been signed and filed, the family alerted, and the glass of scotch had been poured...the only thing left was to drink it.

Comments

[done_in_3]

Jim wasn't about to let that shit start. Drinking? Moping over a dead crewmember? Sure they were all sad about losing Anderson but they couldn't just give up and cry about it. They still had a mission to continue and it needed their chief medical officer at his best and not drunk.

"So are you going to just get hammered and leave me out in the cold?" he said from the doorway. Don't ask how he got into Bones' locked room, he's got a captain's code and a hell of a knack for coding. He smiles leaning against the door frame.

"I do hope that scotch is your first one."

[leonard_horatio_mccoy]

Bones didn't even look up, still staring at his glass,
"For your information, I haven't even started yet. And I don't recall giving you permission to come in Jim."

Yeah, zero patience right now.

[done_in_3]

He put his hands up. "Woah, slow your roll there, doc. I'm here to help. Come on, don't drink... can I come over there?" he knows how Leo gets and this isn't the best thing for him, he knows it. And he knows Bones knows it. Which is irritating? Like why does he still do this when he knows it doesn't work?

[leonard_horatio_mccoy]

"I don't need your help right now. I'm off shift, there's no medical emergency, I just need to be alone right now."

He knows, oh how intimately he knows that this doesn't work. But he desperate for anything to take the edge off.
Everything has been on such a slow burn lately, but right now, he's just done.

[done_in_3]

"Bones, please." he came in the room anyway and sat across from him. "Please, you know this is bullshit. What are you gonna do? Get drunk and get angry and spend a day swearing at everyone and another day hung over. Come on... use me. Take it out on me. Please?" he doesn't consider that he is part of the problem. So what if he promised he'd stop ending up in sickbay for stupid injuries? He meant the promise at the time but he sort of ended up with several gashes and a near concussion all from acting a damn fool.

But he's not considering that. He just wants Bones to stop being so dour... because he wants some support too.

[leonard_horatio_mccoy]

Bones laughs, harsh and sarcastic. "Use you? Seriously, Jim, if you want to hang out with someone so badly, go to your first officer, I'm sure he'd be real happy to see you."

Leo stands, forgetting his glass on the table as he stands by one of the port holes. He just wants to be alone, but he's almost shaking....or at least it feels like it.

[done_in_3]

He blinked when he was suddenly left alone.

"Spock? No, you need help, you need me, I want to stay here." he waited for Bones to turn back around. He was impatient for it actually. When he didn't turn around right away Jim came over to him, reaching to touch his hand.

"Talk to me."

[leonard_horatio_mccoy]

Bones shrugs out of the way, his face contorting with anger. "No! Why don't you get it through your fool head that I don't want to fuckin' talk!"

He feels completely alone and he hates it.
And suddenly, he sees red.


Stepping into Jim's space, Leo glares.
"Get out."

[done_in_3]

He flinches, blinks at Bones once he steps into his space. He shakes his head.

"I want to help you." Bones is being an ass right now. "Stop being a grump about it. Drink with me then if you don't want to talk about it. Don't growl at me." he pushed him away.

[leonard_horatio_mccoy]

"I'M NOT FUCKING KIDDING!" Bones pushes back, albeit much harder.

"You want to help me? You want to help me so badly then you'll turn around and leave. Better yet, why don't you go on another away mission and get yourself nearly killed again in the process. Because it's my job right? Piecing your ass back together? I guess you can do whatever you want, because you never listen to me anyway!"

[done_in_3]

Jim is pushed into the wall and he looks angry when Bones is yelling at him. Sure, have your tantrum Bones. He's not about to stoop to that level. Not yet at least.

"You done?" he asked when his ears stopped ringing.

[leonard_horatio_mccoy]

"I'm never done! I'm going to lose you like I lost Anderson today because you don't care that you're the most important person on this ship! I'm going to lose everything, and at the end of the day it's going to be entirely my fault because I'M THE FUCKING LAST LINE OF DEFENSE! I've even lost the rights to my own fucking daughter because I FOLLOWED YOU TO FUCKING SPACE!"

He knows his arms are flailing, he just doesn't care. He also doesn't care that his hands are beginning to shake...

[done_in_3]

He tries to interject.

"I didn't-- I don't-- You're not gonna lose me!" but Bones is ranting so loud he can't be heard. But when he's done, Jim is silent, staring at him with surprise and sadness.

"You.... you lose custody of Jo?" he'd met the girl over a facetime chat twice and had taken to calling her Jo since. He was fond of her, Bones losing her... he knew Jocelyn wasn't the easiest person to get along with but she didn't seem like she'd be this unfair.

"When? What happened?"

[leonard_horatio_mccoy]

"Why do you fucking care! Just go to that damn hobgoblin and make nice with him!"

He's tired. He hasn't been sleeping well, and with Anderson's emergency surgery he hasn't slept in over 36hrs. He's starting to feel like a wounded animal, about ready to destroy anything that tries to help him.

[done_in_3]

"Why do I--I care because I love you you asshole!"

He growled low.

"You're exhausted... you're shaking. You should sit down." he's ignoring what he just said, though he feels like he's trembling. Is he mad? Is he scared? Is he afraid Bones is going to throw him out while rejecting his feelings?

[leonard_horatio_mccoy]

Bones seems to deflate, tears in his eyes as he sinks down onto the couch.
"I'm not loveable, please, I can't...." Leo buries his face in his hands. He's never felt so low, not since his father's death.

[done_in_3]

Jim gets on his knees in front of Bones.

"You can... maybe you don't want to with me but you can. I know you hate being alone, hate not trusting people. I'm sorry I fucked up... I want to make it better."

[leonard_horatio_mccoy]

He can't help the sob that escapes, nor the second. Instead, he lurches forward, his head resting on Jim's shoulder has he starts to cry. "I'm sorry, I'm ...so, I'm ..."

He didn't notice his hands fisted in Jim's shirt, but they are, anchoring him in a way.
The reality is, he loves Jim too. Always has.

[done_in_3]

He gathers Bones close to him, holds him tight, tries to get him to cry it out. This was too much.

"No I'm sorry... I haven't been helping you. I promised I'd stop being a dumbass out there and I blew it big time today." he rubbed his back, felt the hot tears stinging at his eyes. He was bottling so much lately too, Anderson's death, stress from being Captain, holding his feelings for Bones in, now he's lost Jo? This was too much, they both needed a release. Just cry it out, Leo, you can do that with him.

[leonard_horatio_mccoy]

"I can't lose you too..."
On top of everything else, he needs Jim. He doesn't want to change his best friend, because he's always going to make rash decides that save everyone's lives, but he wants Jim to be a little more careful.
"I need...I need you." Leo can't survive without Jim.

[done_in_3]

"You... you do?" he froze, hoping beyond hope that maybe Bones wasn't going to blow him off. Even if he can't return his feelings, he would never abandon his best friend.

"I'm not going anywhere. Even if I have to stay on the ship some missions, I'll behave myself."

[leonard_horatio_mccoy]

"I don't want to change you Jim..."
Leo sniffs, backing up so that Jim doesn't see his face, wiping his eyes with his arm.
"Because I love you too, reckless idiot and all. But if you got banged up a little less, I would appreciate it."

He felt a little numb, because he never lets himself get so emotional. It's been so long since he's cried.

[done_in_3]

Those words are so sweet. Tears springing from his eyes finally fall down his cheeks. He leans in and touches Bones' cheek.

"Is that all? The whole deal? Just get banged up less?" he smiled at him.

"Come here." he leaned in for a quick peck. And damn if that didn't feel fucking amazing.

[leonard_horatio_mccoy]

McCoy sighs, wishing he had more in him. "Jim, I'm sorry, I wish I could give you more right now, but I'm going to have to take a rain check on any intimacies."
He was about to fall asleep sitting up...but that didn't stop him from cupping Jim's cheek with his hand, brushing the tears away.

"Stay with me?"

Hot icons~ oooh dat Bones~

[done_in_3]

He smiled and leaned into that touch.

"I don't need anything, Bones." he moved forward to hug him. "I'm not going anywhere." he stood and offered his hand to Leo. He'll pull him up and lead them both to the bed where they can cuddle and fall asleep. That's okay right? If he cuddled with Bones until they fell asleep?